Hello, this is Joe ‘Peanut’ Kolwalyniski with the news. There has been nothing interesting today except the fact that someone sent a nuclear missile to mercury. No prizes if you guessed it was trump. Also, a guy came from 2178 in a time machine. But, after he met our favorite friend (NOT!!!!!!) Donald Trump he left. And, the best news so far, I got a Groudon in Pokémon Go!!!!!!! The end is near! That is, for the news report, at the next period .
Hi, today I wrote 2 poems about Christmas. Here is the first one:
Christmas day is great
You get a lot of presents
Joy is in the air.
As you may (or may not) have guessed, that was a haiku. The next one is a rhyming poem:
It was Christmas day, I ran out of my room
I turned on the light so I could see in the gloom
The presents were there, under the tree
And, best of all, about half was for me
While opening, I said to all that could hear
Merry Christmas, and a happy new year.
That is all for today, and no, I cannot give you my autograph.
This is Joe ‘Peanut’ Kolwalyniski with the news. There has been 3… no, wait 2 six room poems made by two kids. They are called Samuel(who happends to be the guy who hires me) and Adam who lives on earth. Here is the first one done by Samuel:
The oak tree stands tall, taller than the rest.
It’s shadows stretch long in the afternoon sun.
The wind makes the oak tree’s leaves rustle.
As the sun sets, noon turns into night.
And this one was done by Adam, who lives on earth:
When I split my head open it was bright and sunny. My sister was rushing to my mum and it was funny. I was on the ground thinking to myself why did my brother bump me and I was feeling worried. There was blood everywhere.
Hello, this is Joe ‘Peanut’ Kolwalyniski with the news. There was an alien invasion which interupted the show Behind The News. We apologise for any inconvenience and will prevent it from happening in the future. The guy who could mind read in the last news report can also control minds as well, and he currently controls the new species. But (our faviroute freind,) Donald Trump (NOT) has declared war against the guy and promptly realised the aliens have lazer eyes and could fry him in a second. So, it’s all a happy ending. Now onto the weather…
I will do the weather because I stole the weatherman’s script and hid it up my shirt. Now, in Miami a hailstorm has caused everyone’s umbrellas to get holes in them. In Japan, it is cloudy with a chance of meatballs and in Australia a snowstorm has made the entire continent white with a bit of white and white. Unfortunately I chucked the script in the bin, and the is all I can remember. Bye!
Hi, I am a snail and I don’t like it. I nearly die all the time. Crossing footpath… probarly gonna kill me. Bathing in sun… probarly gonna kill me. Reading a book… probarly gonna kill me. So, one day I went to the lab (1 km away) and came to near death 100 times. When I made it, the scientist poured some purple, bubbly liquid on me. Suddenly I had super speed!!!! Zoom! I went back home. Zoom! I went to the lottery. Zoom! I won the lottery. Zoom! I wrote a best-selling book. Zoom! I bought a solid gold shell. Zoom! I bought a concorde. Zoom! I bought a Japanese bullet train. Zoom! I beat in a race. Zoom! I flew to Thailand. Zoom! I fell asleep. Zoom! I did a 8km hike. Then… a dragon came and ate me and I died. Turns out even if your fast, you still die. THE END.
“That is it” I said to myself “I am avoiding all water holes from now on.”
I had nearly drowned in a water hole just yesterday. No matter how thirsty I was, I would not go near water holes, puddles, lakes or streams. None of those I would even touch. Suddenly the sand beneath me became wet. After a bit it was visible to see water above the waves. I was really freaking out when the water started spinning underneath me. Soon it was all clear. It was a whirlpool and I was caught in the middle!!!!!
The water pulled me under. I fought it, but eventually I was submerged. I was about 3 meters underwater when I saw the squid. I kicked at it but I couldn’t reach it. It swam out of view and a steady stream of black ink came shooting at me, coming from where it disappeared. The ink hit my chest and crowded around me. As soon as it started to crowd around me, I felt unnaturally tired. It was as if the ink was making me fall asleep. I tried to fight it, and failed.
The first thought when I woke was am I dead? Then: what’s for breakfast? And: why am I floating in a massive bubble in the middle of the ocean? I was, of course, floating in a massive bubble in the middle of the ocean. A squid swam up to me, and judging by his trident in one tentacle, he wasn’t here to give me breakfast. He blew a stream of bubbles at my bubble. His bubbles entered mine and when they popped, I could hear him. “I am going to take you to general squid head’s chambers. If you fight, I will stab you.”
He swam away, and the bubble I was in followed him. Soon, my bubble popped and I realized I could breathe. I snuck up behind him and hit him on the head with my foot until he was unconscious. I grabbed his trident and snapped it so if he chased me he couldn’t stab me.
I realized there was a tunnel to my right with driftwood on top. Inscribed in it was the word DESERT. I charged through the tunnel and was covered in light. I ran for 5 minutes so they couldn’t find me. Then I collapsed, and slept instantly.
If you read Fred the camel part one, you would know that I am a boring camel in a boring life and I find a water hole that floods. For the full story, click here. Now, for part 2 …
I was so thirsty. The water hole I had drunk from seemed like a dream. After all, it was three days ago. Suddenly, I stopped on a sand hill, overlooking a valley. I could see a small lake below me. My slow steps quickened, then turned into a fast sprint. I fell twice, but I got back up and going. In no time I was at the hole. I leapt in, but forgot one simple fact: camels can’t swim! The hole was deep. I thought I would drown. Then, I saw a squid. The same one I saw in my dream. The dream was trying to warn me! My feet the bottom, so I pushed with all my might. It sped me to the surface. I climbed out, but the lake grew and flowed over my feet. I saw the squid, floating in front of me. With one strong kick, I sent it flying across the sand dunes. As soon as my feet made contact, the water shrunk back to its regular size. I took a quick sip, and moved on. I wanted to get as far away as possible.
Hi, my name is Fred. I’m a camel and I am bored, like usual. It’s very boring in the desert. One day I was really thirsty when I saw a water hole in the distance. I rushed to it and jumped in. SPLASH!!! It was so refreshing! I climbed out and lay down. In seconds I was asleep. Suddenly, the water flew into the sky and rained down on me. My eyes flew open and I got to my feet. I realised that my feet were real cold. I looked down and saw water up too my lower legs. It was flooding! I ran at top speed away from the water. But, I’m a bad runner, so I tripped and fell on the wet sand. The water went over my head. I was drowning! I saw a squid, and fainted. Then I woke. “AH!!” I yelled. So it was a dream after all. I was so glad it never happened. I left the water and continued into my boring, boring life.
TOOT! The train leaves in one minute. I walked into a carriage hold. The doors closed, and the train was off. A guy who looked like a sailor yelled “WHERE’S THE WATER SLIDE? I WANT COFFEE!!!!”
I didn’t bring any coffee and I certainly didn’t know about a water slide. Then the sailor pulled a machine gun and said to an old lady “I’ll shoot if you don’t give coffee!!”
The lady screamed and gave him her last cup of coffee. The sailor drank it in one gulp. Then he got bored and started shooting the walls. Everyone in the carriage except me and a teenager screamed and ran to the next carriage. “Stop!” I cried. He stopped and turned to me. The sailor asked me, calmly “where is the water slide?”
“There is no water slide” I explained.
“WHAT!?!?!?!?!?” He screamed. ”NO WATER SLIDE?”
Then he started shooting the seats. After he shot a few seats, he put the machine gun on an unshot seat. Then he asked me “if there is no water slide, what shall I do?”
I said ““I don’t know.”
Then he walked to the teenager and stole his bottle of beer. Then he drunk a half of the bottle. The drunk sailor then questioned “where did you hide my gun?”
Then one of the doors opened and in walked someone. “Hi” he said “I’m Joe and who does this machine gun belong to?” he held up the gun.
He then grabbed me and started poking me. Surprisingly it hurt. Then one of the doors opened and in walked someone. “Hi!” he said, “my name is Joe and who does this machine gun belong to?”
He held up the sailor’s machine gun. “THAT’S MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Thundered the sailor.
He ran over, gave Joe a killer poke and seized the gun.
Suddenly the roof vaporized into nothing and into nothing and in fell a head with a million tentacles instead of hair. “I have come to conquer earth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Quick as a flash, Joe grabbed a lightsabre from his pocket and lopped off all of the tentacles at the base so the head looked like a bleeding football.
“Wow!!” I said.
“Ow.” Muttered the head with no tentacles.
“I WANT COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!” screamed the sailor “NOW!!!!!!”
Then a huge eyeball fell in from the roof. “Have you have got any coffee?” the sailor asked it.
The eye did nothing. Then it rolled toward me. I backed away. Joe tensed. Then Joe got his lightsabre ready. But the sailor shot the eyeball hundreds of times. “Have you got coffee?” he asked Joe.
“Actually, I’ve got a lot.” Joe replied.
He grabbed 18 cups of coffee from his bag. The sailor drank it in 25 seconds. BUURRRPP!!!!!!!!
Then he flew out the hole in the carriage and shot all the remaining aliens. “LARGE AMOUNTS OF COFFEE GIVES ME SUPER POWERS!!” Bellowed the sailor.
Then he flew to the nearest water park. I haven’t seen him after that. Toot! I said bye to Joe and got out. Then I went straight to bed. I had had a busy day.
once me and my weird, crazy, agitated, smelly, slow, small, black and very hairy horse was going for a walk at the park when he did a big, fat, smelly poo right on the path. A lady told me to eat it. I said “NO WAY! DO YOU THINK I AM STUPID??!?!!!?????!!!” Then I argued about why I shouldn’t eat it. But then she said “if you don’t do it I will tell your parents and you will be in big big big big big big big big big big big big big big BIG trouble.” Should I eat it?